And so the adventure begins…

Well, it’s here. The last couple days have gone by in a blur. We leave this afternoon to head to Philly, to meet with the surgeon and get settled in the apartment/recovery center. It’s on the outskirts of the city, not an area I’m familiar with. So I fuss about that, like you do.

Or I worry about little things: do they provide linens (sheets, blankets, towels), things-to-cook-with. What about meals, what will she be able to eat (knowing Firstborn the answer is not much—she’s never been good with anesthesia and medical procedures in general).

She was told she can get what she needs down there. Of course you can, it’s not a third world country, but where exactly is “down there”?

See how my brain flutters and jitters, spazzing on inconsequentials so I don’t have to think about what’s really scaring the bejeebers out of me?

It’s surgery, an all day thing to boot. There are always risks. And pain. The last thing you want for your kid is pain. And then there’s the other thing, the discomfort of wondering how this will impact her future. Is it going to go as she hopes? Will she be comfortable with the results? Nothing’s ever a given and you go into this journey on the wings of hope and no small amount of faith it will be fine, whatever happens, however it turns out… it will be okay.

And this mother who’s known this gift for decades, has this picture in her head, this memory of years together… will that change? Will I still recognize this person on the other side of a surgeon’s blade? Will those small adjustments make a subtle difference or will it be a sea change of epic proportions?

I don’t know. Wish I did. Make that times two, because we’re sitting here, faffing about on the internet, me writing this blog post, her staring at her notepad, not talking. A day like any other, a day like no other.

I have to pack now. Set the parakeets up with a clean cage and extra food. Make sure our housesitter has what she needs to care for the boys and Little Miss Mayhem. Pack the electronics, the chargers. Fill an ice chest with food, because mothers don’t travel anywhere without provisions.

I want to skip tomorrow, jump into Tuesday, the day of recovery, the day I keep yelling “you’re not supposed to do that” and ask for the bazillionth time “can I get you anything?” I want that day. Not tomorrow, not the day I sit for hours in the waiting room… waiting.

I feel the energy and the kindness of those who have her back. It’s giving me strength.

Thank you to all who’ve wrapped the both of us in understanding and acceptance.

Peace.

 

About Nya Rawlyns

Nya Rawlyns doesn’t write typical romance. She writes emotion as a contact sport, rough and often raw. It need not be pleasant, heart-warming or forever after. What she seeks is what lies beneath—a dance of extremes, the intersect of need and desire, and the compromises we make when pain and pleasure become indistinguishable. ***** She has lived in the country and on a sailboat on the Chesapeake Bay, earned more than 1000 miles in competitive trail and endurance racing, taught Political Science to unwilling freshmen, and found an avocation in materials science. ***** When she isn’t tending to her garden or the horses, the cats, or three pervert parakeets, she can be found day dreaming and listening to the voices in her head.
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8 Responses to And so the adventure begins…

  1. Kai Tyler says:

    Praying everything goes well for her and for you in turn. Best wishes.

    Like

  2. mo883mpetersdesires says:

    *Hugs tight to you both.* You are both amazing, capable, wonderful women. We’re here if you need to talk! 💖

    Like

  3. Hugs you tight, courage my sister. Your daughter will be the same beautiful soul she is today, only more so. And she will get through these days all the better for your strength in standing by her, and loving her. And the whole lot of us is right there with ya, in the waiting room, and after, to cheer you both on!

    Like

  4. Lyn Ehley says:

    Hugs to both and healing prayers for Ro, patience prayers for Mom. She will be who she wants to be and remind her she has cheerleaders cheering her on!! My mind will be holding your hand, Nya.

    Like

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