Transitions Countdown

WhichWayI don’t talk about it very often, mostly because it’s not my journey, not my story to tell.

But… then again, it is.

Many of you who know me also know my son is transitioning to be my daughter. Actually that’s a misnomer. She always was my daughter. I just didn’t see it, recognize it, until recently when she was cosplaying for DragonCon and gave me a look—a shy smile that became a smirk and a shake of the head because Mom’s always been on the clueless side about many things.

Her friends knew. The riders she competes with knew (or guessed). Mom? Not so much.

The adjustment for her began with incremental steps: laser hair removal, slow changes to wardrobe, talks with HR at work (her company has an enlightened policy for such matters), gradually expanding her intentions to a widening audience of co-workers, friends, and acquaintances.

She’s no kid, and that itself has presented some special challenges, but on the positive side, she’s well-established in her career, she works primarily with women who’ve been supportive, and she’s had a hella lot of time to think this through. She’s researched the process, she’s very cognizant of the discrimination and misogyny rampant in society at large (and also in the LGBT community that should be standing with her), and she’s got a plan.

That’s way more than a lot of kids have. She’s wielded that double-edged sword of knowing what she wants… and also what she doesn’t want.

The process isn’t simply a matter of tah-dah! I’m wearing heels today, deal with it. There’s mandated counseling, medical choices with consequences that can be unpredictable, legal rigamarole and hoops to jump through (legal name change across a broad spectrum of socioeconomic platforms), and the thing I dread the most…

Shopping, ohmigawd, the shopping!

I hates shopping, I does. Hates it I tell ya. I’d rather gouge my eyes out with a spork than go to the mall or the local outdoor concept pavilion.

I will say she’s got good taste, especially in shoes (and I do love me some classy pumps and boots… yeah, boots rock), and I’ve finally gotten to the point where I enjoy her modeling her newest acquisitions. It’s sort of fun, watching her redesign herself into a new image, seeing her confidence grow when we go out and the term “ladies” applies to both of us. That’s cool.

She’s been taking hormone therapy for a few weeks and is now ready for the next step: feminization surgery which involves multiple procedures performed on the same day—repair to a deviated septum/sinus issues, upper lip, chin, brow and shaving the Adam’s apple. There may be others, I’ve forgotten. That seems like quite a bit to me as it is, but the surgeon said it’s easier for a once and done rather than dragging it out.

She’ll need to stay at a recovery center where the surgeon can check on her frequently—two weeks there, then a week at home if all goes well. The hospital is 2 hours away so that means a bit of juggling on my end. I need to be there the first couple of days to take care of her. Fortunately we have people to help with the farm chores. After that, I’ll day trip.

Being a mom means I worry quite a lot, especially with Firstborn going under the knife—that’s normal. Being a mom also means I’m insanely proud of what she’s doing, the sacrifices she’s making to be her true self.

She’s brave, braver than me by a long shot, because she’s giving up the one thing I couldn’t if I were in her shoes…

Male privilege.

And that’s a post for another day.

Meanwhile, to all our friends who’ve had our backs… respect. Respect and a healthy dose of gratitude for your understanding, your support, and your love.

heart ripples

 

About Nya Rawlyns

Nya Rawlyns doesn’t write typical romance. She writes emotion as a contact sport, rough and often raw. It need not be pleasant, heart-warming or forever after. What she seeks is what lies beneath—a dance of extremes, the intersect of need and desire, and the compromises we make when pain and pleasure become indistinguishable. ***** She has lived in the country and on a sailboat on the Chesapeake Bay, earned more than 1000 miles in competitive trail and endurance racing, taught Political Science to unwilling freshmen, and found an avocation in materials science. ***** When she isn’t tending to her garden or the horses, the cats, or three pervert parakeets, she can be found day dreaming and listening to the voices in her head.
This entry was posted in Blog and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Transitions Countdown

  1. Cynthia Radthorne says:

    She is indeed a brave woman, as you are a brave and compassionate one for embracing her on this journey; for it is rarely a journey taken alone. I will offer up to you both a little acronym I came up with: ippy-egg, or more specially IPPP – EG. Introspection, Planning, Patience, and Perseverance for her (all of which she has exhibited); and Empathy and Graciousness, for both her and her allies, which you both have as well.

    I wish you both the very best on this road, and know you are not alone, for I and many others will walk with you and share the burdens and the joys with you.

    Like

  2. MonaKarel says:

    thank you so much for sharing this glimpse. What a wonderful person she is

    Like

  3. Lyn Ehley says:

    Please share my respect and admiration with her. It is hard for anyone to buck the system’s expectations and her bravery is something to admire.

    Like

  4. georgiakevin says:

    Your daughter seems like such a wonderful lady as are you. The world is a much better place because you both are in it.

    Like

  5. mo883mpetersdesires says:

    Ro is the luckiest gal on the planet (save me; sorry, I ain’t givin’ up my Meg, the REASON I secured my spot as luckiest woman), and all because she has YOU for her Mom. You are amazing. So steadfast in your support, so unconditional in your love…. If ever I was (to lose my mind entirely and) to become a mother, I would hope and pray and beg to be even half so wonderful, so supportive, as you are to your Firstborn. Your unconditional love for her is a beautiful gift, beyond any power I might have to describe it. Thank you, and her, for sharing your story and for the hope and light you put into the world.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s